Every child needs a gift - really?

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The premise that ‘every child needs a gift at Christmas’ is flawed and needs to be challenged.  I have been concerned with this for many years but only recently I was encouraged by some Australian visitors to Cambodia to share my thoughts with a wider audience.

The desire for Aussie families to help the poor of the world, especially at Christmas, is a wonderful sentiment that should not be wasted by putting ‘stuff’ into shoe boxes and transporting it internationally.

The economic and environmental implications of this approach just don’t stack up – ie buying cheap stuff from China in Australia, then paying to send it back to SE Asia using a range of transport methods that all have an environmental impact. I know some of the items sent are lovingly handmade by dedicated volunteers across Australia, but the negative environmental impact remains.

The cultural inappropriateness of gift giving to individual kids in a collectivist social context is problematic. The message to thousands of kids that their parents are so ‘poor and useless’ that an unknown foreigner is giving them a gift perpetuates the oppressive ‘power and wealth’ assumptions the rich of the world make about the poor, and that the poor understand about themselves.

Picture for a moment a poor family in Cambodia with 8 kids - 15 years old down to 9 months – successfully creating a safe environment for their kids to grow up and trying to have enough food for them to eat each day. The kids have no toys and only one set of clothes, but they have each other and their wider family and community. One day the kids come home from school with a shoebox given by some foreigners. Full of amazing stuff like they saw in the market the one time they went to the local town a few years ago. Why haven’t their parents ever given them stuff like this before? What is wrong with their parents, because people they don’t even know are giving them gifts? Within a few weeks most of the stuff in the box is broken, spread out around the village and basically forgotten about. But their questions about their parents remain, tucked away in the back of their minds.

Or

Picture for a moment a poor family in Cambodia with 8 kids - 15 years old down to 9 months – successfully creating a safe environment for their kids to grow up and trying to have enough food for them to eat each day. The kids have no toys, only one set of clothes,  but they have each other and their wider family and community. One day the father/husband comes home with 50 ducklings for the family to raise so they have a small daily income to help pay for the kids schooling.  The children look after the ducks and sell the eggs each day from the front of the house or door-to-door around the village. The parents got this small grant to buy the ducks from a local organisation that comes by sometimes to see how the family is going. The kids don’t know where the money came from but it has made a real difference to their lives. They think their Father is amazing and he really cares for them and their Mother.

Over the years I have become aware of the pressure church pastors in Asia feel to ‘get rid’ of the boxes that are accumulating in their houses before the next installment comes later in the year.  Recently (in late May) a pastor desperate to move shoe boxes cluttering his house offered them to whoever would take them, and even thought my sons (17 and 15 years old) might like some.  No ‘good news’ message accompanied the hand out, no ‘blessing at Christmas time’, just a confused moment when random kids were given boxes.

There are the smiling faces on the video reports and all kids love to get gifts, for a few minutes at least, even though they don’t really understand what it is all about.

But talk to the pastor we met about what he really needs to ‘bless’ his ministry and he won’t mention shoes boxes. He’d love some budget to help him buy toiletries (soap, toothpaste and brushes) and some basic medicines from the local market for the prisoners he visits in the appalling conditions of the local provincial prison.  He would have a significant impact for the kingdom through these interactions and the ‘good news’ he shares would have a long-term impact on some of the most vulnerable people in Cambodia.

This is the fundamental problem with the shoes boxes – someone in the Christian West came up with the idea that all kids need a Christmas gift.  They should have asked the church in the countries they want to support (across Asia and Pacific in the case of Australia) “How can we bless you (our sisters and brother in faith) this Christmas”. I guarantee the answer would not have been “put some stuff in a shoe box and send it over”…

Almost a 100 million shoe boxes have been sent over the last 20 years.

It’s time to stop.

But what about this great sentiment to give to the poor at Christmas time? Here’s a few ideas:

·      Support poor families in Australia to provide gifts to their kids who are expecting something at Christmas time because that is the ‘culture’ in our country.

·      The ‘shoe box’ organisation does some great development work across the globe. Find out about their programmes and support them.

·      Use one of the many Christmas catalogues available from aid and development organisations to purchase gifts (like some ducks) with real impact for poor families outside Australia.

I know some will find reading this hard and I would welcome a dialogue about how we can do all this better.

Words

Do you ever feel tongue tied? Lately I’ve found it hard to make my thoughts coherent or feel confident in expressing them, especially when I speak in Khmer. I often become quite shy and introverted, not knowing what to say next, at times avoiding situations where I will be expected to carry on a deeper kind of conversation. A lot of this has to do with not having the fluency and vocabulary to express myself as I would like or to fully understand what is said to me. I am concerned that I will say something stupid or offensive because I’m not competent enough to speak sensitively in the language. I feel in some ways my personality changes in this other language and I can’t quite be myself. I guess it’s like that for others when they are speaking in a language not easy for them. It makes me wonder how I can really know people when they are relating to me in English if it is not their first or most comfortable language. How can I know their real self?

When I write in English, even though I feel confident in the language, I also hesitate out of fear of what others may think. I am concerned that I will hurt or offend or fear that I will be misinterpreted. 

Speaking or writing in a public way takes courage. There is real power in having a good command of a language in order to express and exchange ideas clearly. Teaching language, literacy, writing and confident communication to people opens up the world to them and them to the world. This is real empowerment.

I have a Khmer friend who cannot speak. She lost her speech after sustaining neurological damage in a traffic accident. It has also affected her arms. She knows three languages but can only express herself by typing on a computer with one finger or texting on a mobile phone. Although very intelligent, this accident has dramatically impacted her sense of self, her mental health and her confidence to meet people and express her ideas. My prayer is that she will grow in courage to engage more with the world that is now available to her through technology both for her benefit and also for the benefit of those who can learn from her. I want to see her empowered to find her voice. 

I wonder how we can more effectively use what skill we do have in language and communication to promote deeper thinking, greater understanding and more generous living. 

At my sister in law’s funeral she was quoted as saying ‘great words are great deeds’. She had a PHD in English literature and loved words. 

We are often told that deeds speak louder than words but in my life words have been profoundly helpful. Words have conveyed the love and the message and the ideas that have brought me meaning, comfort and inspiration for life. 

There is certainly a time for living out the words and simply being in a silent way, a time for presence. A time when no words are adequate or when the pain is too great to articulate. Words do have their limitations. We can only speak of what we understand and know. We speak in response to the words of others. Listening too is a great power. I have found that when we ask powerful questions we can draw out the ideas of others and empower them with their own words. Communication, the speaking and the listening, can be a most profound act of love.

One of the most beautiful passages in the Bible proclaims that ‘The Word became flesh and dwelt among us’ (John 1:14). Jesus is the Word. God created though His Word. God said let there be and there was. Words have incredible power and Jesus shows us in his embodiment of the Word that God longs for communication with us.

May God empower us, through His Spirit, to listen and receive. May He also release our tied up tongues and fill us with the courage to speak words of life and love.

Sitting Still

Ay is forced to be still. She sits alone for hours waiting for her mother to return from work so that she can be fed and helped to the bathroom. A progressive muscle wasting disease has left her with a little hand function and an active mind but no ability to do the things that most young women take for granted or fulfill the roles expected of her. Thankfully a smart mobile phone and facebook provide some connection with the outside world. It is also a distraction from the constant grinding and whirring of saws from the metal working shops that surround the little upstairs room she now shares with her mother and younger brother.

Not only does Ay endure this loneliness, discomfort and boredom, she carries the loss of her previous life and her family’s dreams for the future. Ay was finishing university when she became ill, progressively getting weaker and weaker. Her mother spent all their money, sold their house and borrowed from others, going from doctor to doctor both in Cambodia and in neighboring countries desperate to find a cure. When they eventually came to Mercy Medical Center they still had no clear diagnosis despite many costly investigations and useless treatments proscribed by doctors more concerned with profit than patient care. It was heartbreaking to tell them this is a progressive condition for which there is no cure and no expensive medicine will make any difference. All we could offer was physiotherapy, prayer and a willingness to be friends for the long and difficult road ahead.

There are plenty of painful and unjust situations here in Cambodia that I long to see changed. At the same time I am recognizing more and more the need to be patient and endure the frustration of going slowly so that we can learn as we go and move at the pace of those we travel with.

In a world that emphasises action, efficiency, instantaneous results and constant stimulation it can be hard to hear the call to stillness, quietness, waiting and patient endurance. The scriptures are full of these themes (Col 1:11; Ps 37:7; Isa 30:15). We are encouraged to develop these qualities and pray for the power to endure and persevere.

There is a need for wisdom and discernment about what things we are to endure or persevere in and what we are to confront and transform. I believe it is in the stillness and quietness that we find this clarity.

Recently, while visiting Ay, a Khmer colleague and I shared with her the story of Jesus at the home of Martha and Mary. We talked about how, although Martha was busy doing what was expected of her as a woman and hostess, Jesus praised Mary for sitting at His feet and being a devoted learner.  Ay had expressed her sadness at the impact her disability had on her family and how she felt she was a burden. Through this story, however, she could see that in the eyes of God she was a beloved child and a student of the Lord able to spend her days at his feet, listening and learning and this was more important that anything else she might do.

In the business, noise and demands of our lives may we also risk stepping outside the expectations of others as we take time to quietly sit at Jesus feet and learn from him.

Calling and Leading: Some reflections

I have been spending some time with a small group that came to Cambodia with Interserve for two weeks of exposure to medical mission. They were all considering whether medical mission work across cultures in Cambodia or elsewhere was for them. A great group who really engaged with everything they encountered along the way.

I reflected with them about call and leading. For me call is what happens when we decide to be Jesus’ followers. We are of course saved by grace, but there is no doubt that God has a plan for each of us to be a part of what God is on about in the world. This is our calling and I think it should remain broad, general and encouraging. But clearly it is not an option or a choice for us to decide on. It is part of the package we ‘signed on for’ when we decided to be followers of Jesus. Keith Green had a song with lyrics:

Jesus commands us to go,
It should be the exception if we stay.

These words have inspired generations of people to be part of ‘mission’ in other cultures and countries, but I’m sure left many more feeling they weren’t obedient and desperately trying to explain to others and themselves that “we all can’t go”? Keith Green’s passion and all-or-nothing approach inspired my generation but perhaps his legacy got confused in the ‘go’ and what that really meant.

Today, mission is used everywhere in the church, and perhaps it is overused and thereby in danger of losing its meaning (“If everything is mission, then nothing is mission” - Stephen Neil) but what it does do in many circumstances is make people open to how they can serve God where they are. That is, to intentionally and strategically seek to bear witness to Jesus and his ways.

Leadings are the various directions that God takes us along this journey of following his calling on our lives or our discipleship to Jesus. God leads us into various expressions of our overall calling during our lives and these are the tasks, roles, places, and ministries that we are involved with in our local communities and across the globe. God leads us where he wills and we choose to follow. We should do some discernment with our faith community, our friends and mentors. We should pray and seek clearly God’s leading for our lives. In a sense this process is constant for all who “seek to follow Jesus”, certainly something we do regularly along the way, and should be a part of the regular life of Christian communities.

Is this just ‘playing with words’? Perhaps, but the importance of the distinction becomes clear for me when people say “I don’t feel ‘called’ to mission work” (ie cross cultural mission in Cambodia). This can then lead to them thinking they are not called to ‘mission’ in general. Indeed perhaps they are not ‘lead’ to mission work in Cambodia but they are called to mission – it’s part of their discipleship. The question for them is where is God leading them to serve.

So, we are called to follow Jesus as disciples. He is the one leading us to serve in mission.

Siem Reap

Siem Reap, the home of the famous Angkor Wat temple complex, now welcomes around 2 million tourists a year and is bursting with luxury hotels, restaurants and entertainment clubs. Yet it remains one of the poorest provinces in Cambodia. Where is all the money going? I guess there are some local people working for minimal wages cleaning hotels and serving in restaurants but on the whole the money leaves the province into the hands of foreign owners or wealthy national business people. There are some serious flaws in that old ‘trickle down’ theory.

This was all starkly illustrated to me recently while on a visit to the Siem Reap provincial referral hospital with a group of doctors and medical students from New Zealand. The hospital is a 2 minute walk down the road from the key tourist strip. It’s like going from one world into another. One minute we were strolling through a trendy tourist area with scantily clad foreigners breakfasting in the open air cafés. The next we were amongst weary, confused families camping outside dilapidated wards. They looked tired and anxious as they cooked their food on little clay pots and hung their washing on any tree or post they could find. Many had spent more money than they could afford just getting their sick family member to the hospital. They then needed to pay for any procedure or medicine deemed necessary which often means selling assets or going into debt. If they can’t pay they will have to pack up their ailing loved one and head home. This major regional government hospital is very poorly resourced. They reuse gloves and needles in some wards to keep expenses down. Patients are denied blood transfusions if they cant replace the blood through a donation from a family member. There is an x-ray machine but no CT or MRI scan and very little in the way of other diagnostics. Many of the staff are poorly trained and often struggle with low morale due to their pitiful wages and lack of professional support. The intensive care unit has no ventilator machines, the nearest one being in Phnom Penh, 6 hours away by road. That’s a long time to bag air into someone who is not breathing adequately on their own. Unusually someone that sick will simply be left to die.

One of our IS team members has been working at this facility training and equipping the midwives to improve maternal health and bring down the high number of unnecessary maternal deaths. It’s been hard, frustrating and at times heart breaking work but things are starting to turn around as she gently guides and models different approaches and encourages the very poorly paid midwives to do the best they can.

I wondered how many of the tourists had any idea about the misery just down the street or thought about where their dollars were going.

If you are planning a visit to the wondrous temples of Angkor, pack a box of surgical gloves and think about sparing a litre of blood. The provincial hospital welcomes donations.